They will kill us all ! (probably)

Paranoia alert -- science proves zombies will kill us all
Aug 18th 2009

By Michael Rundle

In more bad news for the living today, scientists have determined that humanity would almost certainly perish in the (probably still unlikely) event of a zombie outbreak.

Using maths and probability to demonstrate what us Walking Dead fans have known for years, a team in Canada have shown that an zombie-like infection -- one that quickly killed its victims and then returned them to life in order to feast on the living -- would, mathmatically speaking, spell almost certain doom for us all.

Among the issues faced by humanity would be the exponential increase in new zombies created after each human dies, and the sudden shutdown of vital services and resources.

Only massive and frequent counter-attacks upon the Zombie Menace would give humans any hope of survival says the paper, which is published this week under the title 'Infectious Diseases Modelling Research Progress'.

The University of Ottowa researchers who worked on the study assumed that the zombies were the classic, slow-moving type seen in the original George A. Romero films, and not the heretical and far-more-deadly ultra-fast zombies as seen in films like 28 Days Later. Even so their analysis revealed that any attempt to cure or capture the Shuffling Horde would only put off the inevitable.


"It's imperitive that zombies are dealt with quickly," the paper says. "Or else... we are all in a great deal of trouble."

The study has been welcomed by disease specialists around the world for its contribution to understanding deadly outbreaks. Those championing the paper include Prof. Neil Ferguson, who is a chief advisor on swine flu for the UK government.

"My understanding of zombie biology is that if you manage to decapitate a zombie then it's dead forever. So perhaps they are being a little over-pessimistic when they conclude that zombies might take over a city in three or four days," Ferguson told the BBC.

You can read the whole paper over at the University of Ottawa Website. In the meantime we suggest you get prepared for the inevitable.